Things coming into alignment

Because a lot of people are praying for me, I wanted to make sure you're kept aware of how those prayers are working.

• Sunday morning I asked God to reveal how He was working in my life. Sunday night Stacey called me to ask for my support at her 14-week Nuchal Translucency ultrasound. Naveen had to work. It was a blessing and honor to be asked to help my dear friend and to be allowed to witness the very essence of life.
• This morning I spent some time at the Department of Economic Security. From previous experience in navigating the DES system, I had prepared for an arduous and lengthy process. But I was seen immediately and treated with dignity. In less than 2 hours, my application for nutrition assistance (food stamps) was retroactively and expeditiously approved. I was unable to get ACCCHS benefits (medicare). But I had expected this because of new guidelines and restrictions which were imposed last year.
• This morning was also the first after a 5-day waiting period in which I could check on the status of my SSI/Disability application. The email from SSI confirming receipt of my application clearly states that it could take as many as 120 days to secure an interview and/or approval/denial. Within 3 minutes of dialing their number, I had an appointment. For tomorrow (Wednesday).
• I wasn't able to get a new patient appointment at Mission of Mercy until October 11, but I have an appointment. At a clinic that will not charge me. For either the visit or for blood pressure medication, if the doctor deems it necessary.
• Of the 27 jobs for which I have inquired. Five have responded to me. From previous experience, that is a tremendous response rate. Some of you will find the fact I'm looking for work problematic when considered in combination with trying to address my mental health. I really don't have a choice. I have less than 20 days before I must find a cheaper place to live. The move is necessary and inevitable, and I hope it is understood that I would rather move from here than to exploit Linda's and Kelly's love, support and friendship. 
• One of the respondents was for a live-in situation, which solves two problems. And I got past the first cut for a position in the Marketing Department @ University of Phoenix and had a video interview this afternoon. Considering it will likely take two months to reach a therapeutic level of the new medication, I am fully aware that I'm potentially leaving another employer in the path of my inconsistency. I really don't have an ethical solution. But I'm open to suggestions from all whose friendly and loving eyes are here.

I want you to know that this kind of action and alignment of things in my favor come only through your prayer, which has strengthened me. Thank you. I will move forward always hoping I do so in honor of your intercession on my behalf.

The best way to find myself...

I was on the phone with Christine a little while ago, and though she'd probably not allow me liberty to reveal the nature of our conversation, I had to make a mental note that I seemed to be in-the-moment and able to offer her loving, logical, practical advice.

That being said, I am also aware I may be experiencing delusions of grandeur. I hope not, but only Christine and time will tell.

I think I'm still experiencing a mixed episode. Last night I couldn't catch any of my racing thoughts. The state in which I was writing that post wouldn't have allowed me to parent the way I was able tonight. Less tearful, but I think that's just because I have limited my exposure to things emotional. Except for talking to my mother.

We talked about how hard it is for her to understand the nature of this condition. And I imagined Christine trying to explain something like this to me and me not understanding...and so on...and so on...tears...weeping...

So far, it has been the only tearful episode today. I will avoid wimp.com and youtube for the rest of the evening.

Stacey has called on me for assistance tomorrow. What a blessing and honor to be able to help. It's true—the best way for me to wane pitiful is to be of service to others.  And to get out of myself.

Today: I felt useful.

INSOMNIA--why can't it start in the MORNING?

09-10-12: Day One–first dose of Lamictal!

For extra fun these last three days–I’ve been experiencing symptoms of a mixed episode. I am wildly rosy and ready to take charge…and simultaneously weeping uncontrollably. And unable to sleep.

I wept while I cleaned and alphabetized the pantry.

Fought back guttural sobs as I made chicken stock and spice cake.

And then I turned on my local Public Broadcasting Station. Rick Steves was in Provence. I was not. As he chatted it up with a woman living in a stone hut…A STONE HUT (!) in Aix, I was blinded by tears that splashed from my chin onto my t-shirt. I let go. THAT was supposed to be my stone hut. Rick Steves was supposed to be chatting it up with me, the ex-patriot come to France to cook, write…and keep chickens and honeybees for goodness sake!

And now, here I am, unable to slow my thoughts or keep the ones I’m able to catch. With that mild-but-unyielding headache that comes from unrest.

I have eaten badly today. Spice Cake from a box with too many ingredients I cannot pronounce. Knowing my blood pressure is all-of-a-sudden high, had coffee. Salted my quinoa/Brussel’s sprouts/currant pilaf. Had absurdly-delicious California Benedict @ Crackers & Co. with Alexis. With potatoes.

And as it comes upon the hour of 5:30am, I bid you good day.